PAX~World News Respects the Prime Directive

Studying men for 21 years has given me ample opportunities to be wrong. Wrong about who men are, how men think, what men are motivated by, even about why men might not put the toilet seat down. But I thought my major mistakes were made before I started studying men -- not since. Guess what? Wrong again!

Since 1995, we’ve been teaching women that every species has three imperatives: Protect, Provide and Procreate. Watch any educational nature show, about the animal kingdom or the lowliest microscopic critter, and you’ll learn how they do those three things. Understanding how men do them has opened up a world of compassion and communication. Read on...

A couple of years ago, I became aware of an order of priority -- that Protecting comes before Providing. This is why a man will say, “No,” to the thing that will make his wife the happiest woman in the world. Because providing that thing threatens some other, more important part of life. Like the retirement fund or his limited energy. I’ve taught women to look out for what their men are compelled to protect and respect those things, take them into account, defend them as well, etc. And this has put partnership where hurt feelings used to rule.

Then, at the Hero’s Challenge workshop in February, I was made aware that I was not paying adequate attention to “Procreate” in the hierarchy of men’s instincts. This led me to an inquiry with Greg, my husband of 19 years. I told him what I was working on and asked, “So, is it Protect then Provide then Procreate?” He shook his head. “Or, Protect then Provide and Procreate? Or Protect then Procreate then Provide?” He had the kindest look on his face as he gently encouraged me: “Keep going...”

The light bulbs went off, my eyes got real big and he nodded. “No... Procreate is first?” I asked. Looking intently into my eyes, he replied, “Procreate is always first. Otherwise you have nothing to protect or provide for.” Lest you think Greg is different, my dear friend Joe said the same words.

In the three months since, my study of men and women has taken on a new dimension -- the dimension of the Prime Directive: Procreate first and foremost. I’ve been watching how it drives men and women to do all manner of things. Like women circling a newborn baby or the anguish of being 35 and looking for a partner. Like the amount of energy men spend trying to overcome the tremendous distraction women are... Amazing how our presence can break through even the most intense focus!

One of the greatest things I have is a new respect. For the fuel that sex gives men to protect and provide. And for how “civilized” men are.

Thank you, Gentlemen, for how responsible you are, for how careful you are, for how consciously you manage this most powerful and primitive of instincts. Thank you for all your kindness, patience, respect and consideration. Thank you for loving women. Thank you for honoring us women ~ both with your desire and with the management of that desire.

In partnership,
Alison

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